Legato Sleepwalks!
by aznkoneko35
Summary: What happens when Legato sleepwalks? Chaos insues as the Gung-Ho-Guns try to find out what happend in Knives' room...
1. What were you doing in there?

I don't know where this idea popped up... from somewhere in my overloaded brain I guess... if all goes well, then I will continue...

disclaimer: I don't own Trigun... but if I did, there would be more hot guys... ::drools::

note: Swearing, and random flying OOCness...

Ch. 1-- What were you doing in there?

It is 7:45 AM, in Knives' EVIL LAIR (yes, that is how he spells it), on the planet Gunsmoke.

And Knives is screaming bloody murder.

"What the fuck are you doing in my bed, you blue-haired-lapdog-human-scum?" Knives yells at the top of his lungs. Legato Bluesummers is, or was currently asleep in Knives' EVIL BED OF EVILNESS, which was quite comfy, mind you. But of course, Legato didn't know that until he was rudely awakened by an oh-so-familiar screaming, which was being directed to his face. "Huuuuuh?" Legato mumbled, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. "Where am I? What am I doing? And who is yelling at me?" The yellow-eyed-pyscic-pyscopathic-psyco thought. And then realization slapped him across the face.

"Master, I-I-I'm sorry... I don't know why I'm in here..." He stammered. Meanwhile, Knives was going off on a string of particularly nasty curses. Legato sidled out of the bed. "GET OUT!" Knives orederd, his eyes filled with an un-natural, plantlike version of hate, which stung ten times as much as normal human glares. Legato gave a quick bow and headed to the door. Putting his hand on the doorknob, he turned it and pulled the door open. And a mass of people known as the Gung-Ho-Guns fell on top of him.

Thirty-seven hasty apologies later, Legato found himself in the kitchen (Is there a kitchen?). Sitting expectantly in front of him were: Midvalley the Hornfreak, resident pimpin' musician of Knives' EVIL LAIR, Dominique the Cyclops, the one and only woman in the Gung-Ho-Guns, and E.G. Mine, a good specimen of the closest related species to a hedgehog. All the other Gung-Ho-Guns had either: one, lost interest, two, didn't care, or three, got kicked out by the threesome currently sitting in front of our happy egotistical friend. Most of the absent Gung-Ho-Guns fit into the last criteria.

"So, Legato... What in the hell happened in there?" Questioned E.G. "Yeah Legs, Why were you in the boss' room?" Dominique asked. "He was in there because he was fertilizing the plant!" Midvalley declared. "I'm sure of it!" Dom and E.G. cracked up, much to Legato's dismay. "Was it plain or extra strength, Legato?" Ha ha ha ha ha! The laughing of the three people in front of him was really starting to irritate him. "Would you just shut up!?" He snapped. "It wasn't my fault... I have no idea how I ended up in his room." Dom, E.G., and Midvalley exchanged looks. "Riiiight" The three drawled sarcastically.

Later(Legato sleep-thinking to no one in particular)

"It all started with this dream I had..."

"A scantily clad Knives (And by scantily clad, I mean wearing a bed sheet) was beckoning to me..." "And he was saying..." "Legato... come to my room... you belong in here..." Yes, it was all very seductive, but it was just a dream and a hot dream too. And that's all I remember for some reason. Then all of a sudden, I wake up in HIS room? How did a dream cause me to end up Master's room? He shut his eyes tightly and tried to recall more of his dream. And Knives was saying... "Legato, are you going to finish that ice cream? It's melting..."

"What? Huh?" Legato didn't even realize that he had gotten himself ice cream, and he didn't know that he had fallen asleep. And he also didn't realize that Zazie had been standing in front of him. "I said are you gonna fin--" "I heard what you said... and I'm telling you to take it and go somewhere else. I was trying to think about something, you know." Legato finished irritably, holding out the bowl of ice cream to the little demonic brat. Zazie frowned and took the bowl. "You know, if you are gonna have wet dreams, then I suggest you have them in your room and not in the kitchen. And slap that horny smile off your stupid face." Zazie, his temper easily going over the top, thanks to Legato's frustratingly calm voice, had reverted to his demon form, as he always does when people treat him like they are superior because he is in a child's body and not some huge hulking monster's. Legato, meanwhile, had been daydreaming off again and was making up the rest of his hot Knives dream as he went along. And it had a lot to do with vanilla ice cream and cheesecake. And hotdogs.

tbc

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Ya, I noe it is very short, but it will get longer if I get some reviews... I'm getting ideas...

Legato: what the fuck is this shit?

ak35: dis is sum funny shit das wut it is.

Legato: ... i hate you...

ak35: please, i could make you love zazie if i wanted to.

Legato: wat? thats gross he's a minor!

ak35: he's probly like, 3000 in demon years...


	2. I know something you don't know and I'm ...

Ha ha! Yay! I got some reviews!!! 3 isn't too much but hey- i ain't complainin! So now on to chapter two... mwahahahahaha!

disclaimer: don't sue or I'll hafta send legato to kill you. Hey that rhymed!

Ch. 2-- I know something you don't know and I'm not telling... (imagine Midvalley saying it in a singsong voice like a little kid)

"Nyah..." Said Legato oh so characteristically as he rolled over in his sleep. Midvalley meanwhile was having a stake out in front of Legato's door, along with Rai Dei the blade, a cheap imitation of Musashi Miyamoto, and Monev the Gale, who could be used as the military's last resort if need be.

"Squeek.....squeak...skweek...squelch (eeew...)..."

"Would you shut that shiz up?!" Midvalley whispered exasperatedly. This was the tenth time this night since they had started this little charade that Monev's purple spandex had made some squeaks and a randomly weird noise, one of which was "quack".

"I can't help it! It's been tighter ever since I put it in the washing machine!"

"That my friend is because... YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO PUT IT IN THE WASHING MACHINE YOU BIG MURASAKI BAKA!" Rai yelled.

"Stop yelling! I think he's..." Midvalley couldn't finish his sentence.

A rustle of sheets later, Legato's door opened. The threesome looked up in terror, expecting to see Legato's oh-you-are-so-gonna-die-stare that was usually reserved for Vash the Stampede- looming down upon them like a death sentence. But instead, Legato seemed to take no notice of them. He weaved right through them and headed straight down the hallway. Towards Knives' room.

"He's... He's... Sleepwalking..." Rai stuttered. At this, Monev shrieked like a little girl and ran away to his room. "I knew that guy was a gay pussy... purple..." Rai concluded. "And now if you don't mind, I'd like to go back to bed. I don't exactly want to find out what Legato does when he walks in his sleep." Rai stalked off in the opposite direction, heading back to his room, his mind polluted with all the sick things he thought Legato might do when he sleepwalks, one of which happened to be: taking a bath in a tub full of melted icecream, holding onto a Knives plushie and singing genocide at the top of his lungs. He shook the image out of his head, not knowing that he would be plagued with sick Legato x Knives thoughts and images for the rest of his life until Nicholas D. Wolfwood killed him. But he didnt't know that yet, so don't spoil it for him.

"Oh God, what pansies..." Midvalley groaned. He on the other hand, had been in front of Legato's bedroom door since 11:00 that night and it was now half past two. The others had only joined because Monev couldn't sleep and went to get a glass of milk and ran into Midvalley along the way, and Rai needed to take a wizz and tripped over Midvalley along the way. "Stupid fuck shit head dammit..." The disgruntled musician got up from his position on the floor and started to follow his boss.

"Master... please open the door... I am here..." Midvalley stared in horror as Legato continuously walked into Knives' bedroom door, like a wind up doll on crack that can't see where it was going, hentai words spilling out of his mouth. Knives, though, had been smart, and had learned from the recent "bedroom incident" and had started locking his door every time he went into his room. On the other side of the door, one could hear Knives whimpering: "Mommy... don't let him get meeee... momyyyy... go away... he's just a bad dream... go away..."

All our saxaphonist friend could do was stare and "..." And he was doing quite a good job of it. Legato's incessant colliding with Knives' door was starting to annoy him. So started towards Legato cautiously, he didn't know what Legato was capable of when he was asleep. And he did the worst thing possible. He touched Legato.

"Aaah... Master... you're here." And saying so, Legato latched onto Midvalley, who yelped in fright, and dragged him to the floor, preceding in doing whatever kinky hentai actions he was actually saving for Knives. "Okay... let's go now to my room and have hot monkey sex... yep... my room..." Legato threw Midvalley over his shoulder and carried him off. Midvalley's screams echoed throughout the Gung-Ho-Guns complex.

the next morning

A rather shaken Midvalley sat across the table from Dominique, Caine, Chapel, and E.G.

"Looks like someone was playing the uke last night..." Dom laughed.

"Shut up you gung-HO-gun... I spent part of the night tangled up in Legato's bed sheets, part of the night hiding under his bed, and part of the night trying to NOT get violated by that sick egotistical perv!" Midvalley ranted.

"..., ......?,....... ... ....... ...., ....... ...... ... ...!!!" Caine said.

"Caine is right." E.G. said. "How could you NOT get uke-ified by the boss? If he wants you, he wants you, if he wants you, you're his."

"He doesn't want me you retarded pincushion, he wants Knives! He thought I was Knives and since I wasn't protesting the way Knives would, he just assumed that I was Knives and somehow I was magically up for it! So he just did!"

The heated discussion of Legato's sleepwalking issue continued and the other Gung-Ho-Guns continued to poke fun at our poor musician.

No one heard him walk into the kitchen.

tbc

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midvalley: why are you so mean to me?

ak35: what do you mean, mean?

midvalley: you made legato think i was knives and then he tried to rape me!!! Oo

ak35: oh calm down ya pansy... he didnt... yet... ::smiles evilly::

midvalley: WHAT?! Oo

yay! review peoples and i shall write more! go clicky the litto purple button...

oh and the link didnt work so i gotta figure that out... um but you can go to my profile page and then click homepage. i did a pic for this fic and it should be there, its hard to miss!


	3. the chapter with no title for now

Thank you everyone who has given me R&R! It makes me so happy ::sob::!!! I'd like to thank my mother and father, and the academy... ::goes on and on...:: Oh and if you didn't see the message I just added to the second ch, then here it is: I did a pic for this fic, its about Rai's vision of legato in a tub full of melted ice cream, etc etc... so I tried to put in a link but it didn't work, so if you wanna see the pic, then go tho my profile page and then click on homepage. It should take you to my userpage and the pic I did should be there, the title is Legato sleepwalks pic. Ok?

disclaimer: ::sing to the tune of jingle bells:: sue sue sue sue sue sue sue sue sue sue sue... please dont sue cuz i am poor and... aw hell who gives a fuck...

ch 3--

No one heard him walk into the kitchen.

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"What are you doing in here you little evil-munchkin-wunchkin-child? Muah muah muah..." Dominique asked brightly. She had a bad habbit of babying Zazie. When she was sober.

"Stop calling me that Dominique. YOU FREAK! Stupid... ugly..." Now we've already talked about Zazie's temper problems, so I don't need to elaborate.

"I was just being nice, you little ding-dong..."

"Shut up ho-ho." (Please ignore my reference to pastries...)

At that, Dominique went into her "someone needs a hug tirade" and everyone in the kitchen left.

In the safety of the living room (is there one?) the talk of Legato's problem continued.

"Maybe it's stress."

"Nah..."

"Too much caffeine?"

"Doubt it."

"Keeping his horny dreams bottled up for too long?"

"Sounds reasonable."

Meanwhile, our happy egotistical friend had remembered nothing of last night, but it did puzzle him that he had woken up with no clothes on and he was hearing strange whimpering noises coming out from under his bed. So he just assumed that one of Zazie's sandworms had a baby, and it was currently living under his bed, so oh well, he had no problem with that. As long as it didn't crap all over the place. He got dressed and headed to Knives' lair-like section of the Gung-Ho-Guns complex, giving Midvalley enough time to escape to the safety of his room. The only person that saw him go to his room was Caine. Now Midvalley didn't really give a fuck at this point, but the fact that Midvalley was streaking utterly disturbed Caine.

"AAAAAAAH! Get the FUCK away from ME you... you... DISGUSTING... uuugh!" Knives was not having a good day. It all started when he woke up. On the floor. Apparently, he had rolled off the bed sometime during the night, and continued to sleep. But Knives doesn't like change, so waking up on the floor utterly terrified him. Next, he sat up and hit his head on his night stand, causing his eyes to fill with tears and he started to curse like sailor who just stepped on a sailors foot who had stepped on his foot. When he stopped sobbing, he went to take a shower, and he slipped on his rubber duckie and fell and hit his head. Again.

Legato, hearing his master's screams (which had an unusual little-girl quality to them) came rushing up the stairs, burst through the door and was staring at Knives, clothed in a shower curtain, having pulled it down when he fell and hit his head. Again. Being the sensible person he was, Legato ran up to Knives, ripped the shower curtain off him and began inspecting for owies.

"Where does it hurt master?"

"E-e-everywhere!" Knives sobbed.

Legato prodded Knives in different places, trying to find what hurt. His right hand went up, to Knives' forehead, but his other hand went down. Way down. And Legato didn't notice that until it was too late. Knives shrieked.

"AAAAAAH! Get the FUCK away from ME you... you.. DISGUSTING... uuugh!" And now his most loyal minion was poking him in places he preferred not to be poked in.

"I'm sorry master... I'll leave." Legato gave a quick bow and exited quickly.

"So you think it's the horny dreams thing?"

"Yup."

"Well I think it is something else."

"Yeah, like wha-- Hey brat! What are you doing in here?!" Midvalley yelled at the little demon child.

"I'm trying to help." Zazie explained, wiping lipstick smudges off his face with a kleenex. Dominique had given up on trying to make him more kiddish because he had sent one of his sandworms to her as a present, to keep her "busy."

"Yeah, well what else could it possibly be?" Midvalley said. He was always the skeptical one when it came to taking advice from children, but hey, who isn't?

"Well about two days ago, I walked in on Legato when he was having a "good dream," before he started dayDREAMING, he must have been eating ICE CREAM."

The blank look on the Gung-Ho-Guns faces irked Zazie. But he went on patiently.

"So maybe the ICE CREAM caused his weird sleepwalking condition."

They all cracked up.

"Oh ya, that is so believable! Ice cream...!"

"Ha Ha! Like that could ever happen!"

"It's just ice cream, how could that cause anything besides indigestion?!"

"......... ... ...... .......! ......, ........ ... .......!!!"

"Amen to that brotha!"

Infruiated, Zazie left the room. His explanation had sounded perfectly rational when he explained to Mr. Wuggles! The stuffed bear had not contradicted him one bit.

tbc

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ak35: weeeeelll... that ch. wasnt too good, cuz i am brain dead currently... anyone have any ideas for me?

Zazie: yeah, i have one, drop this shitty ass fic!!!

ak35: shut up twerp! ::sweatdrop:: well dont listen to him! Plz RnR n Help me out if you want to.

Zazie: ::sticktounge:: :P


	4. I've lost the preciousssssss! lol

Aaaaaaw... Thankies for all the reviews! It makes me -once again- so happy! Don't worry, Zazie was just being a brat. Uum, but I think I'm losing my funny...

disclaimer: I won't rule the world until 2070. So don't sue until I have enough authority and power to crush you in a legal debate. Mwahahahaha!!! Run in fear pitiful mortals!!! No really I'm just joking! PLEASE don't sue me!! ::whimpers::

ch 4-- I've lost the preciousssss! lol

Cheerful sunlight shone through the window into Zazie's room. The birds were chirping out sweet melodies and the trees (work with me here...) were swaying in the cool breeze. During his spur of the moment periods of anger, Zazie busied himself by ripping the heads off of his stuffed animals.

"Riiiiiip. There goes the bunny. Riiiiiiip. Bye bye Mr. Giraffe. Riiiiip. Crack. OH MY GOD NO THAT WASN'T A STUFFED MOUSE!!!"

Terrified, Zazie prepared to chuck the be-headed animal out the window. But he thought better of it and saved it for future Dominique torture based pranks.

When he had decided to imbody this child, he had no idea that he would also inherit most of its brain. All the childish fears and such. This utterly enraged him. He had no freedom of speech, or more practical, no freedom to have his speech listened to. None of the Gung-Ho-Guns listened to him when he had something important to say, like: "Legato, your souffle is on fire. Or E.G. there's toilet paper stuck on one of your impalement devices. Or Caine, I think you have a zit. Just a guess." But then again, Caine didn't talk very much anyway, but everyone listened to him!

And now, when he had something very important and perfectly rational to say about Legato's condition, NO ONE listened to him! He was always laughed at and this situation was no different.

"Oh ya that is so believable! Ice cream...!"

"Ha Ha! Like that could ever happen!"

"It's just ice cream, how could that cause anything besides indigestion?!"

"......... ... ...... .......! ......, ........ ... .......!!!"

"Amen to that brotha!"

Just remembering irkitated (did I make up this word? Well I love it.) him. He decided that he would be the one to discover what caused Legato's sleepwalking problem. Then they would all have to listen to him! There would be no more: "Oh please you're too young to know stuff like that. Or Sure, like I would believe you. Or Maybe that'll become realistic when you're 20 years older... NOT!"

Oh yes, there would be no more of that.

In the meantime, Legato -of course- had no recollection of the "Midvalley incident." But he was wondering why Midvalley stood at least a minimum of 5 feet away from him whenever they were in the vicinity of each other. He had yet to ask, and somehow, he didn't want to know. It also concerned him that the rest of his Masters minions were having secret conversations in corners when they thought he wasn't listening. In truth he wasn't listening, because -once again- he had a feeling that he didn't want to know what they were murmuring about.

He headed to the kitchen since his stomach was being unreasonably growly this morning. He opened up the fridge and obtained his precious cheesecake. Strawberry. Mmmmm. And then he thought that well, Stawberry cheesecake goes so well with ice cream and he had just bought a recently added flavor, "Death by Chocolate(1)" which he had been eating for the past few days. He knew he had plenty more because it came in tubs. Literally. Well maybe not, but they were pretty huge. So he opened the freezer and lo and behold, his prized ice cream was gone!

The room darkened and a wind picked up in the enclosed space. His inhuman gold eyes sparked with seething anger. He was going to kill whoever took his ice cream. They would pay for their sin.

Zazie was inspecting ice cream. It was some fancy high class shit.

"Write this down Mr. Wuggles."

The stuffed bear was sitting in front of a piece of paper, holding (sort of) a pen in its paw.

"Flavor: Death by Chocolate. Ingredients: chokolit, uuuum, gli-glio? gl-something, just write it down."

The ability of not being able to read difficult words was also a crappy part of this pathetic body.

"Aw fuck the ingredients just wait a min-- what's this? Warning: Do not eat in excess. May cause reactions in some people. Damn, it sounded like a warning for medicine like "If erections last longer than four hours, contact your doctor..." Not that he knew what that was.

"Well it says: Do not eat in ek-ecks-ecks-ess. May cause re-ak-re-akshuns in some people. Did you write that down?"

He paused to look at the stuffed bear. The paper in front of it contained nothing.

"Uuugh you stupid creature. Forget it, I'll remember by myself..."

He shoved the bear to the side and seized the paper and pen and started to write down -in his kiddish handwriting- what he remembered. If it caused reakshuns, what kind were they? Did it include sleepwalking and extreme horny-ness while doing so? He decided to put the ice cream back into the freezer and wait for Legato to eat it and then take notes about what happened when he went to sleep.

The sounds of Legato ransacking the Gung-Ho-Guns rooms echoed through the whole complex. Legato was turning the whole place upside-down in search of his beloved ice cream. With a slightly crazed look on his face.

tbc

1) Thank you Magnet-Rose for this Wonderfully-Wonderful idea! ::hugs::

ak35: well hope yall like it!

Zazie: NO ONE LISTENS TO ME!

ak35: huh? what was that?

Zazie: I HATE YOU!

ak35: where's that coming from? is it just me or do you hear that too? do ya? do ya?


	5. OMFG! There's FIVE Chapters?

woooow. 17 reviews. that is actually a lot in my standards since i didnt expect anyone to read this fic. sorry its taken so long for me to update this but i've been very busy with school, homework, other sites, etc.. well i decided it was time to revive this fic thanks to everybody who told me it was good. Thanks everybody!!

disclaimer: I don't own Trigun ok? I just like putting the characters into "situations." Deal with it.

ch 5--OMFG!! There's FIVE chapters?!

"CALM DOWN LEGATO!"

"Boss it's okay.. Hey! STOP TRYING TO EAT HIS ARM!"

"Oh FUCK! Someone HELP MEEEEE!!!"

The screams of various Gung-Ho-Guns rang through their hideout. They had been trying to calm Legato down, with the aid of an elephant tranquilizer gun. After five hours, they had chased him around the complex until it was dark outside. And he was still evading capture.

Oblivious to the goings-on, Zazie was carefully placing the ice cream back into the freezer. He had decided to let Legato eat it so he could watch what happened after.

"Boss, did you even try double checkin' the freezer? Maybe it was behind the caribou leg..."

"I DIDN'T AND I DON'T CARE BECAUSE I KNOW IT'S NOT THERE!"

"Well.. Let's go check then."

"FINE!"

After some intense persuasion, the Gung-Ho-Guns without severe concussions (Midvalley, Rai, and Dominique) went with Legato to see if his ice cream was somewhere in the freezer. Legato wasn't going cooperatively, insisting that his powers were telling him that it wasn't there. Thus, this resulted in the three of them carrying him to the kitchen. When they got there, Dominique headed straight for the fridge and opened it. Legato was tense, on the edge, and biting his perfectly manicured fingernails. If he was wrong about it not being there... his minions would probably rebel or something... he did not want that this late at night.

"Legato. It. Is. Right. Here."

Dominique sounded thoroughly peeved. Midvalley and Rai weren't looking too happy either. Legato on the other hand, was elated. Being the kind of person with self control, he shoved Dominique to the ground, grabbed the ice cream out of her hands and hugged it. Suddenly becoming aware of the three people in front of him, he quickly regained his composure.

"Well my mind powers must have been a tad rusty... I was getting mixed signals!"

"Riiiight..." The three Gung-Ho-Guns decided to leave it at that and headed to bed.

Legato put his precious ice cream back into the freezer and also went to bed.

The next morning the Legato woke up to a very stressed looking Knives. He knew that because when Knives was stressed, he tended to pull out his hair. Knives was wearing a toilet paper turban.

"I WANT YOU OUT!"

"What?! But Master, who will read you bedtime stories?"

"I CAN READ TO MYSELF! I WANT YOU TO TAKE YOUR HAPPY GO LUCKY SAILOR SCOUTS WITH YOU TOO!"

"But--"

"Go to the town right near us, it's called Icantrememberitsname town. OKAY? I've had enough of this screaming and yelling and bitching about ice cream and I just want all of you away and out of my hair!

At that, Legato shot a quick glance at his turban.

"Master, do you even have any-"

"OUT!"

So that is why Mr. Legato and the Happy-Go-Lucky-Sailor-Scouts are staying in hotel far away from poor Knives.

Nearby

"Meryl... Meryl!!... MERYL!!!"

"WHAT?!"

The easily angered-bitchy-midget-insuranse girl swung her fist around and unluckily it connected with Vash the Stampede's hair. Which means Meryl won't be typing for a while.

"YOU NO GOOD BASTARD! YOU BROKE MY HAND!!!"

By now, Meryl was fuming- literally. Poor Vash didn't stand a chance in a bitch fight, seeing as Meryl is the Number One Bitch on Gunsmoke.

"Well gee Meryl, I was calling your name and you wouldn't answer me..."

"YEAH! So why did ya have to hit ME?" Poor Vash. It wasn't even his fault.

"Well what do you want Milly, I'm trying to get a double room in this hotel so we won't have to share it with those two idiots."

Vash and Nick were not insulted by this. It's not like they don't hear it every 5 seconds... "You idiots, you broke the bus! You idiots, you wrecked the hotel room! You idiots! Don't you know what male-male kissing in public can do to your reputation?! IDIOTS IS WHAT YOU TWO ARE!"

After they had sorted out the mess, two happy "idiots" were happily sharing a room with a queen sixed bed, and one happy insurance girl and one vein popping insurance girl were not-so-happily sharing a room. Meryl dissapeared into town mumbling something about getting a drink, so Milly followed her to get some pudding. Meanwhile Nick and his happy fuck buddy Vash decided to do "happy things" in their room.

In the other hotel...

Legato was stuffing his face with ice cream at ten o clock at night. Knives had allowed to bring his Death by Chocolate ice cream and the Gung-Ho-Guns, he allowed them to bring themselves. Midvalley and E.G. and Monev (surprisingly) had situated themselves outside his door so he couldn't escape that way. Zazie, thanks to his small boy metabolism, had fallen asleep. Under Legato's bed.

At twelve o clock, the door gaurders fell asleep. Legato was asleep too. And then, Legato was awake. He had an insanely happy look on his face and was mumbling: "Master came with us! I sense it!" In 10 seconds, he was out the window and scuttling down the side of the building. Unfortunately, he missed a step on a window sill and hit the ground with a loud thud. Midvalley was awake instantly thanks to his "Extra Sensory Legato Perception." He slowly turned the door knob. E.G. and Monev crashed to the floor of Legato's room.

"I told you guys to get off the door before I opened it!"

"Sorry Midvallery."

"Aw Fuck! He's gone!"

"I think he went out the window!"

"Out the window? That's scary!"

"SHUT UP YOU BIG PURPLE PUSSY AND FOLLOW ME!"

Midvalley, E.G., and Monev creeped down the stairs and to the lobby, out the door and followed their boss. Legato walked halfway across the town to another hotel and started scuttling up the wall. Apparently, his ice cream also gave him "Spidey Powers."

"Dude. How are we supposed to crawl up that friggin wall?"

"C'mon, lets go through the LOBBY you stupid ass."

"Oh. OOOH. Right. The lobby."

The threesome headed through the double doors and into the lobby. Unfortunately for them, they didn't know what floor Legato was on, so they had to run around each floor and look for him. On the fifth floor, they were exhausted and panting, but they heard Legato mumbling.

"He's behind that door!"

"Monev! Kick it down!"

"But that'll hurt my foot..."

"KICK DOWN THE DAMN DOOR!"

The sound of splintering wood signaled the fact that Monev had decided to put away his girly-ness for once and kicked down the door.

"Vash, where's the vaseli-- OH MY FUCKIN GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

"Legato! I know you're in here come out ri-- WHAT THE FUCK?! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE _GAY, _NICK?!"

"SHUT UP PINK SHIRT!"

"HEY! DON'T INSULT MY SHIRT! ATLEAST IT DOESN'T PROVE THE FACT THAT I'M GAY- WHICH I'M NOT! HAHA YOU ARE SOOOOO GAY!"

"SHUT MIDVALLEY! I KNOW PINK AND _PURPLE _MATCH SO WELL! IS THAT WHY YOU BROUGHT YOUR _BIG PURPLE DINOSAUR _ALONG?"

"FUCK YOU!"

"FUCK YOU TOO! OOPS I MEAN VASH FUCKS YOU!"

"AND HE'S DAMN GOOD AT IT!"

"Did you just admit that you're a seme?!"

"Nooooooo..... er... maaaaaybeeee... er... sometiiiiiiiimes...."

"HAHAHAHA! I'm ashamed of you Nick. What happend to all the "Manly-ness"?

"JUST SHUT UP! AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, SHOVE THAT _TUBA _UP YOUR ASS SINCE NOTHING ELSE WOULD GO UP THERE!"

"IT'S NOT A TUBA, IT'S A SAXAPHONE!"

"WELL SHOVE THAT _SACKS-APHONE_ UP YOUR A--"

Stopped mid-rant, Wolfwood was unpleasantly surprised when he felt something going up his leg. Unfortunately for him, it also happened to be his boss.

"What the HELL?! Vash is that you!?

"Noooo..."

Nick fell of the bed. Emerging from the sheets was Legato mumbling "Master... I've found you... I knew you wouldn't make me leave you alone..." Which resulted in ear-piercing, head-splitting, girly screams from a very disgruntled wanted man.

tbc

ak35: well i hope you liked it. i used extra stupid juice...

Thank you to White Phoenix, aka Ryoko for the idea.. sorry i twisted it to my liking ;


End file.
